Gratitude

If Gratitude was a person...

Yes, yes, if gratitude was a person it would be meee! It's the end of another year, and I have so much to be grateful for. 2023 was tough, mehnn! It was also a good year all in all. 

Basically, I just wanted to survive. I struggled to keep my sanity this year. January found me travelling to Ilorin to resume my first year in the University. My first few months in Uni was not what I had imagined it to be. I saw shege in 5D. This was probably because I resumed 1 month after my fellow freshers had already resumed and settled in. While others were already getting used to the system, I was still struggling to fit in. 

It was one struggle or another. Struggle to get into school (I stay off campus), struggle to get out of school, struggle to catch up with actual school work with all the stress. 

In April, my phone got stolen during my first semester tests. I can't even lie, I was devastated. This is an excerpt from my journal that describes exactly how I felt that day;

“I’m so sad right now, the sadness is so painful. When I realized my phone was gone, I almost started crying, but I was in public. I hate crying in public so much. Besides, I had another test to write. So, even though my throat was hurting, and my eyes burned with unshed tears. I swallowed hard, and made my way to the venue for the test. My vision was blurry with the tears that begged to be shed, but I couldn't afford to lose control, so I held it in, and wrote my test with extreme composure. After the test I was more composed, and I told my friends that I could not find my phone. They tried to call it, and all of that but it was hopeless. They seemed really surprised that I was not freaking out. I even made some jokes and laughed despite the pain I felt inside.

When I got back to my hostel, I finally allowed myself to be vulnerable, and I cried. I cried so much and for so long that I woke up with headache this morning.”

Two weeks later, I got another phone. But that night I didn't even think it was possible for me to get another phone so fast. I just kept asking myself, “Why does bad things always happen to me?” Of course, I know better now, but I was in so much emotional pain, I didn't understand why my phone would get stolen few weeks to my first semester exams. Apparently, I needed a lesson on how God always makes a way even when there seems to be no way. 

Fast forward to June, I lost clarity of vision, my vision was fuzzy. I was trying to find me, and do me. Then I applied for a writer's fellowship, and got selected. I learnt a lot from this fellowship, and I got a new sense of direction. Prior to this fellowship, I was just fumbling around in the dark without making any headway. That fellowship is one of my biggest wins this year. I'm grateful for it.

Moving on, I resumed school two weeks ago, and I laughed so much this week. It was beautiful seeing all my friends again after the break. I also reconnected with an old friend I had not seen in two years. She was so excited to see me, and vice versa. It was all so wholesome, it still warms my heart when I think about it. 

I think one of the most beautiful things about me is my sense of humour. And my laughter, it's the most beautiful sound in the world. It makes people laugh too, even when they don't know what's funny. Sometimes when I'm alone I think about really funny stuff, and laugh alone. When I'm with friends too, I make jokes, I laugh too. I'm grateful to God for my sense of humour, and I have never been more grateful for the beautiful funny friends I have. I'm grateful for my mind, it's a beautiful place. Laughter is a gift. The devil tries, but he will never take that gift from me.

There's really so much to be grateful for. I'm grateful I get to keep my sanity. I'm grateful that I went through this year, and I'm still whole despite the struggles. I'm grateful that 2024 will be better, because I have a purpose that I didn't have at the beginning of this year. I'm grateful for family, and friends. I'm grateful for memories. I'm grateful for the lessons I have learnt. I'm grateful, basically. 

In 2024, I want to flourish and bloom. I want to move from survival mode, and actually thrive. I'm going to push my creativity, and make it topnotch. I want to explore friendships, and I'm going to let go of what's not for me. So help me God.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in advance. Till I write to you again, byeee.

A song for you.