Life goes on.

*giggles

Hi, my lovesss! Thank you for your sweet comments on my last newsletter – in my inbox, DM, and in the CS – it warmed my heart.

I actually had a different idea for this newsletter, but when I started writing, I thought of something I learned some weeks back, and so I decided to sharee.

It was a hard lesson to learn. Basically, the world is not going to wait for you to heal. Life goes on. 

 (oh yes, I did overthink. Gave myself headache while I was at it too)

I was in a bad mood, because of something that happened. I was down mentally, and in no mood to socialize, but I had to attend classes. Why could the world not stop, and wait for me to get over this phase? Why do I have to act normal when I didn't feel normal. I wanted to crawl into my shell, and stay there for as long as it took for me to feel good about myself again. I just wanted the world to come to a halt, while I healed in private. It's not too much to ask for, right?

Of course, I wasn't going to get what I wanted. And when it became obvious that I wasn't going to get what I wanted, it made everything worse. I got angry. My anger became…

Tears. Tears. 

I got angrier, because why was I crying like a spoiled, overindulged child?

More tears.

Sorrows, sorrows, prayers.

I wanted to be alone. I also wanted a hug. I'm not a stranger to conflicting emotions at all. I wanted a long big hug that would swallow me and all the unwanted emotions I was feeling. But this would ruin my hard girl facade, yeah? What happened to Bisi doesn't cry? So I settled for curling into a ball on my bed, and crying my eyes out. That didn't make me feel better though.

Moving on, I went to school, and once I stepped out of my room my bitch face kicked in because I was in no mood to talk. Then someone came to ask why I was not smiling. That pissed me off, because such audacity??? 

Why do I have to smile when I don't feel like smiling? Why can't people mind their business?

Later, when I was venting to my friend about it, he said something that made me realize I was being unnecessarily mean to people. 

So, even though I just wanted to be alone, I made an effort to smile, and be friendly to people while I was in school because it's not their fault I was in a sour mood. 

Also, the person that asked why I was not smiling actually asked out of concern, and I responded in a really harsh way. Also, I cannot keep being in that dark place, because life goes on. 

What's my point? Life has setbacks, but we have to keep moving. When you trip and fall, do you just stay down? No. You get up, dust the dirt on your body and keep moving.

Same thing applies to life, even in the darkest of times we have to keep moving forward. Tomorrow will definitely be better. Stay alive too, because whether you like it or not, life can and will go on without you.

School…

This 200 level is just somehow, ah ahnn. I want to scream, because I keep zoning out in class. There's too much stuff on my mind. At this my small age? *laughs with pity.

From projects to presentation to deadlines to… 

Debit alerts… debit alerts…debit alerts

I can't even-😭

Now, I'm down with sore throat and cough. My throat hurts, and everytime I cough it's so painful that I wish I could reach in and pull out my throat(if that was possible)

My eyes are aching, I think because I'm not getting enough sleep. I have test soon too, let's see how it goes. I hope I make it out of this school, alive. I've been doing that a lot nowadays.

Hoping.

Friends..

One of my new year resolutions was to connect with people more. And I think I'm doing just that.

I close up a lot. Once I have issues I cut myself off. I hate to think that I'm a burden to anyone. But I’m learning that I don't have to do this life thing alone. I need friends. We all do. 

I have started talking to new people, and I have made new friends. Networking, basically. According to my lecturer, your network is your net worth. So, I want to know somebody that knows somebody that knows somebody…

Although, I still find it hard to open up, but…baby steps.

Love…

This brought a vile taste to my already bitter mouth(do I have malaria?) 

I have been single since birth, and I don't mind. I actually don't. But these people on social media!!!! 

I literally forgot about Valentine's day being a thing until y'all reminded me with your “Valentine is coming” posts and Valentine packages. It's still fine. I'm not even bothered.

But situationships, sigh. I hate situationships soo much, but I always find myself in them. The one time I was in love, or maybe I was in love with the idea of us, I fucked it up badly. (pardon my language, I'm getting a little bit angry)

I'm a very logical person, and everything about love screams illogical! I'm also a lover girl at heart. I want to experience the kind of love in romance books, and movie. But what if I fall in love with someone that doesn't love me back? What if he just doesn't like me that way? Love is such a complicated concept. Beautiful, but complicated.

Wo, love should get the fuck. I have books to read, places to be. 

Honestly, it gets lonely sometimes, but it's nothing a plate of spaghetti cannot solve. And small 200 million. 

Yes, and Benz.😔

What do I do for fun?

I hate on innocent Yoruba men for fun.

What do you do for fun? Let me know in the comments.

Till I write to you again, write to me when you can.

PS: Twitter men are a disgusting lot.

Byee, Enjoy your week, and the coming weekend.

Kisses. (cringes inwardly)